 |
What are you doing here? huh?! You must be completely lost to end up here!! this is purgatory....erm, of the darker side *tooty grin* no? its not?! NO! its actually just a page of TORTURE!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!! hmmm, who am i? a many faceted being if i may say so. You cant really get me in a few sentences........ok wait, u just did right? Shit! blaaah. so i may write some bad stuff here, maybe a bit morbid, but i think mainly i just write my feelings. and theyre not always happy, but that doesnt make it bad or make me a depressed bloody psycho!..............ok wait, i am a psycho! and just a little depressed. wooooo!  Favorite Shows: Invader Zim, Simple Life, Favorite Movies: Hot Chick, a short story by chel, Whats wrong with Gilbert Grape, Donnie Darko, Bubble Boy, waking life, Spirited Away, KUNG POW!!!!! Favorite things: The touch of something so ethereal, so light, a flicker on your soul. Something meant to make you think, to dream of something more, something more than what you have, something beyond the bounds of touch, beyond the planes of thought... About me: Im a loner, im a hater, im a lover, im a singer, im a writer, im an artist, im creater, im a destroyer, im an angel, im a demon, im dependable, im a dreamer, im a freak, im a hoper, im a thinker, im a believer, im a sceptic, im animorphic, im silent, im no one. Favorite bands: Alien Ant Farm, American Hi Fi, Bush, Dead poetic, Deftones, Foo Fighters, Glassjaw, Grape Diggin Sharon Fruits, Greenday, Jimmy Eat World, Lost Prophets, Marilyn Manson (his mechanical animals cd that is, not his other stuff), Muse, Nirvana, Perez, Perfect Circle, Placebo, Rage Against the Machine, Seether, Spineshank, Staind, Taproot, Chevelle, The Used, The Rasmus, Weird Al, Dashboard Confessionals, Drowning Pool, Blood Hound Gang, Disturbed, Slipknot, Ill Nino, Korn, Locust Toybox, Toyland, P.O.D, Stutterfly, Sublime, System of a Down.........erm.......i think thats it! weeee INVADER ZIM ROCKS AND SO DOES WEEBLE&BOB SO GO TO www.weebls-stuff.com. yaaaay. so u can bugger off now.
 Add text or HTML here HAR HAR!! some freaky crap for yooooooooooouIt was just the other day When we went to Joe's Cafe Just to order up a couple steaks to eat But we noticed something wrong All the Worcestershire was gone But the waitress brought a different kind of treat She said this sauce was the chef's new creation Guaranteed, it's a new taste sensation But she warned us it's made out of prunes "Try a little if you dare" "Nothing can compare" So we had some and now we swear We won't eat prunes again That was such a dirty trick Boy, it really made us sick Well it looks like we've been done in by the prune Still the memory lingers on I been livin' in the john 'Cause I've had the runs since Monday afternoon I'd sell my soul for some new constipation Need a cure for this new aggravation Diarrhea has taken its toll Still got the runs today Just like yesterday Buddy, that's why I'm hear to say We won't eat prunes again Won't eat prunes again No no!!  And something Else "They are not long, the weeping and the laughter, Love and desire and hate: I think they have no portion in us after We pass the gate. They are not long, the days of wine and roses: Out of a misty dream Our path emerges for a while, then closes Within a dream."  I want to wake up in your white, white sun I want to wake up in your world with no pain But I'll just suffer in a hope to die someday While you are numb all of the way When you hate it you know you can feel but When you love it you know it's not real No And I am resigned to this wicked fucking world On its way to hell The living are dead and I hope to join them too I know what to do and I do it well... When you hate it you know you can feel but When you love it you know it's not real No Shoot myself to love you If I loved myself I'd be shooting you  The truth is you could slit my throat, and with my one last gasping breath I'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt. I dont have real dreams, no mundane thoughts or asperations. Just sitting in my other world br>    
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
 |
 |
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
i hope u drown in my tears. I hope you die in my misery  im tired of crying over you
Posted at 02:15 pm by DeadEyes
Permalink
why cant i fucking tell anyone?
i feel like a fucking drama queen. and my methods of coping dont seem to work anymore because this time writing isnt helping....
Posted at 01:44 pm by DeadEyes
Permalink
Saturday, April 15, 2006
i feel like im letting everyone down lately. everything i do is wrong. everything i do hurts everyone around me... and i dont know how to stop it. in truth, i dont even know what im doing thats wrong...i say something to someone, and it hurts them. for a reason i dont know.i do something, and they react in a way i never meant them to...nothing i do is right. no matter how hard i try. no matter how much of myself i put into something, it always ends up being not enough for them. and theyre always wanting more. and im always left hurting more than theyll ever know. or ill ever let them see. if someone could just tell me what im doing wrong....i want to stop hurting. and i want to stop hurting others.maybe if i just stop talking. and i just stop seeing anyone, it would help. and everyone reacts this way to me.ive hurt my momive hurt my dadive hurt my boyfriendive hurt my best friendive hurt the people who love meand i cant stop lying, in hope it wont hurt themonly for it to hurt me more... someone just tell me what im doing wrong...
Posted at 11:54 am by DeadEyes
Permalink
Thursday, March 24, 2005
Broken thoughts and stains of time
Linger upon her weeping face
You can hear her cry at night, if you listen
While she lies in a forgotten place
With white butterflies hanging on threads
And hollow eyes filled with the tears
She stings at the heart; tries to kill it all away
But she's still here
She'll hide beneath the shade of willow trees
Seeking some sort of protection she can't find
She can't help it, the hurts under her skin
You couldn't help her if you tried
She treads a path of dying lilies
With inflicting cuts from paper hearts
The butterflies follow in her despair
While the life tears her apart
She could find a paradise
Like the burning hunger for existence in the pit of her gut
She abided in a lie
Let out the blood from each cut
It was her fault, she caused it all
The pain she suffers while she lets the wounds heal
Maybe she wasn't meant to be
Never to even feel

Posted at 11:39 am by DeadEyes
Permalink
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna runaway?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me
No one ever lied straight to your face
No one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
Never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like, what it's like
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like (what it's like)
Posted at 12:44 pm by DeadEyes
Permalink
Monday, March 14, 2005
We are the hollow men
we are the stuffed men
leaning together
headpiece filled with straw
our dried voices, when
we whisper together
are quiet and meaningless
as wind in dry grass
or rats feet over broken glass
in our dry cellar
shape without form, shade without colour,
paralyzed force, gesture without motion;
Those who have crossed
with direct eyes, to deaths other kingdom
remember us - if at all -not as lost
violent souls, but only
as the hollow men
the stuffed men.
Eyes i dare not meet in dreams
in deaths dream kingdom
these do not appear:
there, the eyes are
sunlight on a broken column
there, is a tree swinging
and voices are
in the winds singing
more distant and more solemn
than a fading star.
Let me be no nearer
in deaths dream kingdom
let me also wear
such deliberate disguises
rats coat, crowskin, crossed staves
in a field
behaving as the wind behaves
no nearer -
Not that final meeting
in the twilight kingdom
this is the dead land
this is cactus land
here the stone images
are raised, here they recieve
the supplication of a dead mans hand
under the twinkle of a fading star.
Is it like this
in deaths other kingdom
waking alone
at the hour when we are
trembling with tenderness
lips that would kiss
form prayers to broken stone
They eyes are not here
there are no eyes here
in this valley of dying stars
in this hollow valley
this broken jaw of our lost kingdoms
in this last of meeting places
we grop together
and avoid speech
gathered on this beach of the tumid river
sightless, unless
the eyes reappear
as the perpetual star
multifoliate rose
of deaths twilight kingdom
the hope only
of empty men
(here we go round the burning sun
burning pride burning lies
Here we go round the burning truth
at five o'clock in the morning)
between the idea
and the reality
between the motion
and the act
falls the shadow
For thine is the kingdom
between the conception
and the creation
between the emotion
and the response
falls the shadow
Life is very long
Between the desire
and the spasm
between the potency
and the existence
between the essence
and the descent
falls the shadow
For thine is the kingdom
(this is the way the world ends
this is the way the world ends
this is the way the world ends
not with a bang but a whimper)

Posted at 10:30 am by DeadEyes
Permalink
Thursday, March 10, 2005
Pale star, you burn so bright,
in the cold november night.
Choking rays and chains of grey,
if you werent tethered to this earth
youd float away.
Through worlds of silence
and skies of night.
I would do anything to join you
endless flight.
Instead i stare at reflections in the glass.
Dead Eyes, Dead Smile,
my eternal mask.
Through the eye-hole slit,
behind the souls coloured window,
big smiles, big tears,
where all my dreams reach a crescendo,
lies a small pale star.
Dying super nova.
Tethered to its world.
Afraid its life is already over.
They say hope springs eternal.
Little hope lies in this star;
too small to go far.
Looking out the window,
the pale star is fading.
It failed in its resistance,
to stay and keep you warm.
Instead it chose to float away...
Forever in the distance...
Posted at 12:14 pm by DeadEyes
Permalink
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
aaaah crap. oh well. every week has its bad day. apparently with me its more like every week has its good day. went to the doctor again today. agaaaaaaain. shit. it went ooooookay. nothing great. no terribly degrading or condemning comments flew around the room like last time. arrrrrrrg! i just hate doctors so bloody much. while i was sitting there she started getting all nice and making "chit chat." meanwhile the bloody mofo was doing a frikkin pyscology test on me. AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!! aaaaaah *cries* ugly biatch. apparently im afraid of being hurt or critised by people, so when i hear someone hurting me i shut off and keep all my feelings and thoughts inside. and i feel guilty about things and start beating myself up. she gave me these two stupid phrases to say if i get hurt.
I am in charge if my life. I welcome others graciousness as i follow my instincts and inner knowledge.
I am peaceful and accepting of my current state and choose ti give myself permission to be as i am so that i may learn and gain wisdom.........
arg!!! weirdo. i think it sucks more bcz she frikkin right. and she came up with this weird analysis that i dont agree with. my right arm has black studs, black watch and black wrist band. my right has coloured bangles and straps. the right always signifies the male, and the left the female. she thinks i have a problem with not liking guys. aaah! thats just stupid. now if some of you remember from before in my old blog, (akim,arb,rish maaybe) this is the chick who said i have to speak to the virus and tell it im better than it................. O.o yeeeah
and she sprang a blood test on me. had to go and get it down the hall. the woman who did it was ok but this other chick with her didnt give me cottonwool to put pressure on the hole and it bruised up from the blood. ive done it more times then her! jeez i was like, um, cottonwool please!?
my p's are fighting again.
im losing another friend...wont say. they went MIA for a bit. dont know if i still connect with them. never talk anymore. and my other sometimes hates me or thinks i hate her.
i need dashboard confessionals and i need to paint and i need to write.........im good at writing.... i like writing.....
Posted at 12:37 pm by DeadEyes
Permalink
Friday, February 25, 2005
Sometimes I think I live in some paralell universe. A universe only I fit into. Maybe a few others do, but either I havent met them yet or theyre hiding in my blind spot. Or they just dont exist. They way I think, the way I feel, the way I interpret words, expressions, things people do. Everything is different. If you try and tell people what you feel, they make no connection. Either your revelation touches them somewhere deep down and they dont want you to know or dont know themselve, or youre just so totally different from everyone else that what youre saying is rubbish. Either way, you end up looking like a fool; a fool living in dreamland. Only the real dreamland would be better, because you understand everything, and no one is really there to hurt you. Or even if they are, which they most probably are (for me anyway), you sort of get over it easier. Because everything is just sort of yours, and you can figure suff out and understand it.
I dream of lots of things. Some things I can relate to what Ive been thinking about before I fell asleep, other things that I hope for. But most of the time theyre just strange. They feel like I have to remember them, or that I just should. I dream alot when Im awake too. Not like the randomness of R.E.M, but I dream. Some people sort of get a knack for switching off from people, and not minding what they do or say. You can walk up to them and insult them, but theyre used to it, so they switch off and hey! it doesnt matter, cause Im not listening to you! Id like to say Im one of those people. But Im not. I think about everything someone says or does. I do this thing where most of the time if someone does or says something that hurts me, I go into a kind of denial. Where I know it hurts real bad, like Im bleeding, but I sort of switch off, so I go hey! its fine, i dont really mind, im not hurt by what you did. So no one knows. But it hurts. And afterwards I think about it, why they did it, why I didnt do something, what I could have said. I play it over and over, reliving it a million times. And them I make the wound a memory, that I make myself forget, but forgetfullness can come back and bite you in the ass.
Cause it still hurts.

Posted at 12:02 pm by DeadEyes
Permalink
doom doom doom,doom doom doom
Posted at 11:53 am by DeadEyes
Permalink
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|